Umm, yeah, so I got a bit bored last night waiting for Screenwipe on BBC4 (which is fucking hilarious by the way) so I ended up perusing through Apple’s collection of trailers. I could wait until I get more info or actually go out and see the films on release, but instead I’m going to jot down my impressions of each trailer along with a rating of how likely I am to go and actually see it.

The Assassination of Jesse James By The Coward Robert Ford – And the award for the most incredibly stupid long name goes to this. Brad Pitt as an outlaw, wild west, it’s got all the hall marks of a Clint Eastwood picture minus the man himself. Rating: 66%.

Babel – God knows how the story ties together, but this looks like it is a clever piece of writing so I might just give it a shot. Rating: 85%.

Children of Men – A world where women become infertile and everything has gone to hell in a hand basket. Then comes along a teenage girl with a baby inside and suddenly a select group of nutters has to whisk her off to the coast. Why? Dunno. Looks good? Definitely. Rating: 90%.

The Covenant – The first thought that flashed to mind when I saw this was ‘The OC meets Charmed’. Teenagers, magic and all out action, sounds like a teen flick to me. Rating: 50%.

Flyboys – Wow, it seems there are now so many films (along with games) of WWII that Hollywood has had to move onto new battlegrounds, namely the first world war. Again, it’s the tale of how American soldiers managed to single headedly change the war, sod all the other countries. This could either turn out to be another Saving Private Ryan (unlikely) or Pearl Harbour (more than likely). My rating: 25%.

Ghost Rider – Oh wow, following the *massive* success of Hellboy and all the other crap, Nicholas Cage decided to become a flaming skeleton on a crotch rocket. Err, no thanks. My rating: 10%.

The Guardian – This film looks like it’s following the oldest plot line in the world. Man is best at job. Big incident, wash out. Ends up training newcomers and then has to save their sorry ass. You could transplant this to a hundred different scenarios, but here it’s the Coastguard. I see another Perfect Storm on the horizon. Rating: 5%.

The Holiday – Chick flick. That was simple. Does have some good actors, but definitely one for the girls.

The Italian – Now don’t get me wrong, I do like foreign films. I’ve watched a lot, from very obscure ones to quite modern ones. But this just looks awful, with a very thin plot. No thanks. My rating: 33%.

Peaceful Warrior – That’s what it says, but you just know it’s going to be fighting throughout. Teens just don’t go the Zen warrior way. My rating: 5%.

The Quiet – Definitely one creepy looking movie, if not a little disturbing dealing with deafness (or lack of in this case). This could be either good or bad depending on how they end it (i.e. cheesy or not), but for the moment I’m sitting on the fence until I have a better look. My rating: 51%.

The Prestige – This is looking good, but coming out alongside the Illusonist I can’t help but feel another Cave vs Descent coming on. And Christian Bale’s accent is awful. Rating: 86%.

Pulse – Wow, another way to make people scared of the everyday modern junk in there house. As long as you disengage your brain for the length of the film, this could turn out to be a good thriller. Could though. My rating: 66%.

Riding Alone For Thousands of Miles – If there is any semblance of reason as to this old mans journey I couldn’t see it here (it is one in the morning though). Probably won’t get widespread release, so my rating is 5%.

Road To Guantanamo – Forget Hostel and Saw, now they’re going to show us real violence with real people. Thanks, but I’d prefer ignorance over watching the worst that my fellow man can do to another. My rating: 10%.

Running with Scissors – A brilliant cast, witty writing and a good laugh. This could turn out to be a superb film. Rating: 80%.

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles – Those pizza loving, karate jumping turtles are back. Not sure if I like the half cartoony/half real look, but we’ll see. I missed the original craze, but the cartoons more than made up for that on TV. Hopefully the plot is better than the last attempt as well, I couldn’t take another thrashing like that. Rating: 95%.

Transformers – Good director, but the trailer? Shows nothing. Wait and see time I think. Rating: 50%.

The Sentinel – If I sound depressed here it’s because Hollywood is knocking out another clichéd, race against time, guns and plots movie. With Michael Douglas for christ’s sake. I mean how many movies can he make with virtually the same plot. No thanks. My rating: 0%.

The Simpsons: Movie – Do I really need to explain myself here. The Simpsons are the life blood of my youth, they are still the single best show ever, even as I grow older and out of most cartoons they still have something to make me laugh at. Bring it on. My Rating: 100%.

Spider Man 3 – Well, I got the first two on DVD, so I might actually go and see this one. Darker plot, darker action, darker spidey. Let the good times roll. My rating: 75%.

Waist Deep – Oh wow, another dumbass rapper wannabee who thinks he can make a quick buck in Hollywood. No way. My Rating: 0%.

The Wicker Man – If you’ve seen the original it would be an insult to see this piece of Hollywood crap. My rating: 0%.