While attending a housewarming party for a friend’s family, I was passed this letter printed in the local newspaper:

Today we mourn the passing of an old and dear friend, Common Sense, who has been with us for many years.

No-one knows for sure how old he was, since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape.

He will be remembered for having cultivated such valuable lessons as “life isn’t always fair”, and “maybe it was my fault”.

Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don’t spend more than you earn) and reliable parenting strategies (adults are in charge, not children). His health began to deteriorate rapidly after reports were published about a six-year-old boy who had been charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate. A subsequent report that a teacher had been fired for reprimanding an unruly student sadly hastened his decline.

Things went from bad to worse when new laws were enacted that required schools to obtain parental consent to administer paracetamol, sun lotion or sticking plasters but were not permitted to inform parents when their under-age daughters were pregnant or wanted an abortion. He finally lost the will to live when the courts decided it was illegal to defend oneself from a burglar in one’s own home, but it was perfectly acceptable for that burglar to sue the victim for assault.

Common Sense’s parents, Truth and Trust, pre-deceased him, as did his daughter, Discretion, along with his sons, Responsibility and Reason. He is survived by his three step-brothers, I know my Rights, Someone else is to Blame and I’m a Victim.

Written by Peder Nielsen in the Malvern Gazette, August 11th 2006